The Fear Of Losing It All

Why Letting Go Is the First Step Home

Why we feel stuck, confused, and guilty when we finally want to put ourselves first, and why that’s exactly where the healing begins.

Hi, Hi, Hi, Hello!

Many of you know that I started Green Light Guidance after seeing too many women online saying they weren’t worthy and that they weren’t loved. And that broke my heart.

To learn that so many women felt invisible and exhausted and like they were running on empty, but still expected to keep going, had me trying to figure out how I could help.

Now, years later, I’ve evolved and rebranded to Her Joyful Life, what I want to help women get to, and while so much has changed, one big truth still remains.

We’ve been raised in a world that trains us to put everyone else first.

We’re taught that good women sacrifice. That strong women carry it all. That loving women give endlessly, and don’t complain when there’s nothing left for themselves.

And if we do want more? If we want to rest, breathe, dream, say “no,” or simply be without guilt, then we’re selfish, or ungrateful, or somehow “too much.”

And I’ll be honest with you, for a long time, I didn’t even notice how deep that belief ran in me. I thought I was just being responsible. I thought I was just showing up. I thought I was just being me. But when you do that long enough without ever truly showing up for yourself, something breaks down.

We get this weird, hard-to-name feeling, like something’s missing, like we’re living someone else’s life, like we’re off track but don’t know how to find the map, like we are empty.

And then we feel guilty for even noticing. We think, “Well, who am I to want more?” So we push it down. Until we just can’t anymore.

Here’s what I’ve learned: To find who you really are, you have to be willing to lose everything. It doesn’t mean you will, but you still have to be willing.

And that’s terrifying. I know it is because I’ve lived it. The fear of letting go, of shedding the labels and expectations and roles we’ve worn for decades. It is what keeps so many women stuck. It certainly did with me.

I was scared that if I let go of all the things people expected of me, of all the things that “defined” me, I’d lose everything: my place, my people, my identity.

But I also knew that staying where and who I was, wasn’t a viable option any more. My soul was flailing around and it was painful. A pain that I could no longer live with.

So, one day, I broke. In the best way. I cried. I mean, like full-body, deep-soul cried. For an entire day! I didn’t know what was happening at the time, but looking back, I see it clearly now.

That was the day I began to release everything that wasn’t mine to carry anymore. The roles. The labels. The pressure. The masks. The expectations. The pretending.

I stopped watching the shows I used to love. I stopped reading the same kinds of books. I stepped away from the things that people used to associate with me and say, “Oh yeah, that’s so Cheryl.”

Honestly, I think I just needed to wipe the slate clean and restart.

And slowly, very slowly, I started to uncover the real me. Not the polished version I thought the world needed, but the grounded, joyful, worthy version of me who deserved to be taken care of. Who deserved to be first on her own list. Who was done being who I thought everyone expected me to be.

And many of the things I had stopped doing or being interested in, did eventually come back, but without the attachment. They no longer defined me. I defined me, not my interests, my thoughts, or other people.

What I realized was that day of crying, of letting go, was really about letting go of the attachments, to labels, thoughts, expectations, all of it.

So, If you’re reading this and something’s stirring in you... please know you’re not alone. That feeling of “something’s off” is not a sign you’re broken. It’s a whisper from the truest part of you saying, There’s more. Let’s go find it.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need a five-step plan. You just need a willingness to lose what’s weighing you down so you can rise.

Because on the other side of all that letting go… is you. And she’s worth finding.

Remember, You are worthy and You are loved!

Cheryl

P.S. Leave a comment, subscribe, or reach out and let me know what help you need to let go.